This book is written from two perspectives — mine, as the addict, and my mum’s, as the person who loved me through it.

The Devil: Diary of an Addict is not a story about the stereotype people imagine when they hear the word “addict.”

Homeless.

Junkie.

Criminal.

Loser.

That’s what most people think.

It’s what I thought too — until I realised I was one.

Addiction is still treated as a moral failure instead of what it really is: a disease rooted in trauma, fear, mental illness, and survival. The labels we use only describe a fraction of the truth, yet they have shaped how addicts — and their families — are judged, punished, and misunderstood.

My name is Gavin Dixon.

And I am an addict.

Each chapter shows two realities:

my world inside addiction, and my mum’s view from the outside — revealing how love can slowly turn into enabling, and how that cycle begins.

While I was deep in addiction, I searched for books that reflected what I was living through. What I found were either clinical self-help manuals written by people who had never lived inside addiction, or polished celebrity memoirs designed to sell copies, not tell the truth.

They didn’t go where addiction took me.

That is why I wrote The Devil: Diary of an Addict.

This is not a recovery guide.

It is not motivational.

It is not written to make you feel better.

It is written by an addict — for addicts — and for the families who love them.

Some of what you read will be uncomfortable. There are accounts of trauma, violence, overdose, manipulation, sexual abuse, and self-destruction. These moments are not included to shock or glorify, but to tell the truth — because hiding the truth nearly killed me.

I share how addiction took me from a life of excess and false control to losing everything, again and again — ending up isolated, homeless, and lying to everyone who loved me.

I share how I tried to take my own life three times.

The third time, my heart stopped.

For four and a half minutes, I was dead.

Paramedics gave up.

My dad did not.

Understanding is not excuse.

Explanation is not justification.

I take responsibility for the harm I caused. This book does not ask for sympathy. It asks for honesty.

If you are struggling with addiction, parts of this book may be triggering. Please read with care and reach out for support if needed. If you love someone who is struggling, this book may help you understand — but it may also hurt. Both can be true.

This is Part One of a two-part story.

This part is the descent.

Put the book down —

or read on, and finally understand how addiction really begins.