1. INTRODUCTION Respect for his opponents is not among the chief virtues of Thomas Metzinger. With minimal prodding from his interviewers at the journal Collapse, (1) Metzinger bluntly dismisses a host of near and distant foes. His first target is the 'philosophical conservatism' of 'the folk and the philosophers', who are apparently leagued in union against the truth. (2) He takes a simultaneous shot at both analytic philosophy and its enemies, since the now 'conservative' analytic school (for it disdains empirical work) was once 'a beautiful rebellion against academic pretentiousness and narcissistic obscurantism'. (3) Even neuroscientists are not exempt from Metzinger's global critique, since he finds that some are guilty of the 'corniness' of seeking 'media attention'. (4) In his view such corniness is not limited to modern media hounds, but extends back into primeval humanity and its pre-human forefathers: as when he speaks of the 'unargued conservatism and corniness [that were] successful strategies in primate societies and the world of our ancestors'. (5) If 'primate corniness' sounds like an implausible philosophical target, we can turn instead to Metzinger's grim verdict on more recent society: 'The overall situation on our planet reminds me of one big ocean of irrationality, suffering, and confusion ...' (6) Those who oppose Metzinger's version of naturalism are described as people who 'desperately seek emotional security'. (7) He dreams aloud of a new phenomenology that, unlike the current one, would not be 'driven solely by anti-reductionist resentment'. (8) He even closes his doors to readers who endorse his theory of self-as-process, since they 'perhaps only do so because it has a trendy, "narrative" ring to it'. (9) Even the Collapse interviewers who cheer him on receive a sharp slap on the wrist: 'let us not commit a psychologistic fallacy or indulge in paranoia ...' (10) And finally, Metzinger's own students are critiqued no less than the doctrines they attack on his behalf, as when Metzinger disdains 'what my excellent British PhD student (who is a bit chaotic, but from whom I learn a lot) has recently termed 'Continental Jazz'. (11)